Guest Post by Ipswich Spy

After this Thicky Nicky deserves it.
Slaughter of first-borns

The Tory Prime Minister, David Cameron, has declared war on children. Easy to do, since children don’t vote. What he forgets is that children have parents and grandparents who do vote and whose support he needs to win a majority in 2015.
This time he is going to stop the housing benefit of everyone under 25 and kill all the first born children of everyone on benefit. The Tories want to kick people out of their homes and kill every first born child under two. After this the Tories will put the families remaining kids in care and have their dogs shot.

The Tory battle cry goes like this. Kids and young people are all feckless and lazy. So we’ll stop their benefits and euphonise some children.

In fact the Government have a popular policy here. Nobody wants their hard earned wages going in taxes to fund other people’s brat’s child benefit and a measured policy of infanticide could save the country an estimated £50bn in child benefit which they can give to their rich friends.

This has been the long standing plan of the Tories started by Thatcher the milk snatcher who took away school milk causing regular massive epidemics of rickets and scurvy among poor children ever since.

They’re all wrong. Every single one of them. The ironic thing is they know it. If you put to them a couple of scenarios, they immediately backtrack and suggest that there has to be exceptions. For instance if the second child is obviously a born idiot then maybe the second child should be killed instead of the first. Even more people would agree that its unfair for parents to have to pay to have their own children killed because of the NHS privatisations, but that doesn’t bother the wicked Tories and their vulture like partners the Lib Dems because they can afford to euphonise their own children.

The welfare state was designed to enable people to not work. It was designed to be a way of life for people and it is totally unfair to say otherwise. Stupid Thatcher claimed it was possible to run out of other people’s money but I’m a socialist so I believe there’s always enough of other peoples money to spend.

These draconian and possibly Herodian policies aren’t about saving money, they about appealing to the base instincts of backward, nasty Tory backbenches, who want more money for themselves as they tread on the workers

Whilst it is understandable that the Government would want to talk about cutting the £50bn in child benefit, it is disingenuous of them to pretend that every first born child is the same. First born Tories are born with silver spoons in their mouths whilst all first born non Tories were born in a state of absolute wretchedness.

Cllr Ellesmere told Ipswich Lie “It shows how out of touch David Cameron is. It is based on the presumption that every first born child doesn’t want a job when it’s an adult.”

No doubt the local Tory blogs will trumpet this attack on children as an attack on waste. As I hope we’ve shown it won’t be that in the long run. Those who will be worst hit are those who mysteriously became poor and vulnerable after Gordon Brown left Downing Street and never existed during the 13 glorious years of New Labour.


Thanks to News Thump for inspiring this post.

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2 Responses to Guest Post by Ipswich Spy

  1. Pingback: Welfare reform – a better solution « Ipswich Spy

  2. Pingback: Guest post by Ipswich Spy | A riverside view Blog

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