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The Tale of Jeremy Corbyn
The Tale of Mr Jeremy Corbyn Part 1
A principled fellow crawls out from under his rather damp little stone to ‘change the world’
Part 2 – A sunny day in Islington…
It was a typical sunny day in the Socialist Utopia of Islington. Mr Jeremy Corbyn had given his servants the day off so they could take advantage of the enhanced public services in his constituency. He sat and did what he’d never done at school… He was reading…And he could understand the words as well as look at the pictures!
‘Dear me – the Labour Party which I have always supported in Parliamentary votes, has need of a new leader’ mused Jeremy.
‘The Right Wing’ have let us all down again’ he mused in a profound way which had a ring of total originality about it…
Part 3 – Friends come-a-calling
Jeremy thought about the Labour Party. He couldn’t live within it but he had no future without it. So he made a few phone calls and sent messages to various large, damp stones nearby. Lo and behold, he was soon visited by Gerry Adams and Ken Livingstone, ‘old friends’ of his and nearing the end of their squalid little careers. ‘Go for it’ urged Gerry, ‘Do it’ said Ken.
‘I will,’ said Jeremy
Part 4 Ken stays on…
After Gerry had shuffled off to talk to his friends about being Peaceful, Ken lingered on to give Jeremy ‘advice.’
‘Listen Kid’ said Ken. ‘You are a walking time bomb with the fuckers you’ve been knocking about with and the things you’ve been doing for 30+ years. You even make Nick Griffin blush as you’ve knocked about with more Holocaust Deniers than he has!’
‘Oh dear!’ trilled Jeremy
‘So this is what you do’ said Ken.
‘Whenever anyone quotes what you said or disagree with your choices, you accuse them of abuse – ok? Or racism or something’
‘OK’ said Jeremy. ‘I’m good at that’ he added
Part 5 Jeremy heads for the election contest
Jeremy ‘paddled his own canoe’ across the pond where he lived. He’d been alone for years and nobody visited. But all of this would disappear once he was leader and he would make Socialism Happen Everywhere and end racism with mass uncontrolled immigration which would turn Olde England into a paradise or something nice. Anyway, it just had to happen because Karl Marx had told him to do it in a dream…
Part 6 An old flame ‘tweaks’ Jeremy…
En route to the contest, Diane Abbot pinched Jeremy’s foot. ‘I wish it had been my bum’ thought naughty Jeremy. ‘That Sister is getting a job in my team regardless of anything’ and he smirked his way onwards. Diane reluctantly resigned from the BBC in anticipation of him winning the leadership but wasn’t upset because she had paid all those private school fees for her son by now and he had avoided the local dump where all the other boys went in her beloved Hackney.
Part 7 – The Past catches up…
Jeremy won the contest but his Past caught up with him! His MPs were very naughty people and kept reminding him of all the bad things he had done in the Past and they even helped his ‘friends’ from Hezzbollah come to stay!
And his ‘friend’ John McDonnell was neither use nor ornament…
Part 8 The End
Like every Labour Leader, Jeremy realised he was Captain of a Ship of Fools, as his MPs stuck out their heads from the water and blew raspberries.